Last week I let the kids watch a movie I shouldn't have. It seemed educational and historical. I did a little online research and decided it would probably be ok. After all it was a made for tv movie from 1974. And likely Daniel wouldn't pay attention anyway. Right?
I'm not entirely sure how The Autobiography Of Miss Jane Pittman ended up on our Netflix queue. My guess is that its nine emmy awards made it stick out one night when I was adding random movies to the list. At any rate, that was the movie we had the night Michael wasn't going to be home and I was desperate for something to keep the kids occupied.
The story, which spans from slavery in the south just after the Civil War to the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, began and sure enough we lost Carrie and Daniel within ten minutes. I considered turning it off, but Brenna seemed interested so I didn't. Eventually I had to put Carrie to bed and that settled Daniel down almost immediately. He began to pay attention. And I began to have concern.
I stopped the movie twice to explain words we don't use and to give a little historical context to the events. They were both proud of Miss Jane for drinking out of the white water fountain at the end of the movie.
When Michael came home I told him what they'd seen and suggested we do a little post movie discussion the next day. So at lunch I asked Daniel to tell Daddy about the movie. In typical boy fashion he immediately described a bus crash (a burning freedom riders bus), which was probably about 6 seconds of the whole movie. So minor in fact, that it took me a while to even remember what he was talking about. Phew! If that's what he remembered, I was relieved. Although it was horrible, I knew he didn't grasp the extent of the situation.
And then the following conversation took place:
"Hey Dad! Did you know that in the old days when someone died they put the body in a box and buried them in the ground?! Isn't that funny?"
Silence. Michael and I exchange looks. Shoulders begin to shake as we tried to hold back laughter.
"They still do that."
"What?!"
More laughter...
"Yep, what did you think happened when someone dies?"
"They get taken to the hospital."
"Well, yes, but once the body is dead, we bury it."
"So when Caramel Pap gets shot we're going to put him in a box and bury him????"
Silence.
[Caramel Pap is my grandfather. This is where the "uh oh" set in. I realized Daniel was remembering the scenes where a young black activist angered the white folks in town who in turn found a crazy man to shoot him, point blank along a deserted road. His funeral had followed - hence the box and burial.]
Me:"Daniel, Carmel Pap isn't going to get shot!"
"But he might die soon."
"Well, not everybody dies by getting shot! There are lots of ways to die. You could have a disease, or an accident or you could just get old and your body gives out. Most people don't get shot."
"Oh."
Uneasy laughter from the adults as the kids jumped topics and asked for seconds. I guess it's a good thing we set that straight but yikes! Next time I'll do a LOT more research before I throw a random movie into the DVD player. That one ended up being educational all right - just not the way I expected. Lesson learned.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Friday, February 01, 2013
40 Things I Learned In the First Ten Years of Parenting
A friend recently asked me what I have learned from kid one to kid four. I didn't have a good answer right away but as the week has worn on, all sorts of things have come to mind. Some more significant than others. Before I knew it, I had a list of forty!
1. In 0-3 month pjs, zippered is highly preferable over snapped.
During those first three months before the baby is sleeping through the night, it is much easier to zip pjs in the dark than to correctly snap them, especially if you have to create both legs with snaps. Heck, that's truth night or day.
2. Babywise works.
I've done it four times, twice with a girl and twice with a boy. No child took longer than 11 weeks to sleep through the night. Feed Wake Sleep. And feed every 2.5 to 3 hours. It just works.
3. Swaddle. Double swaddle when necessary.
Babies like to be secure. Think about where they just came from. If you've give birth to a Houdini capable of busting out of the swaddle in less than five minutes, double swaddle.
4. Make your own baby food.
I cringe at all the money I spent on jar food. Use the jar food for back up and for when you don't have anything baby friendly at the house. But other than that, feed them what you're eating or make it for them. And never buy a jar of bananas.
5. Much of the 'equipment' they market to new parents is unnecessary. And takes up lots of space.
6. Sometimes babies cry and there's nothing wrong. They just need to cry.
7. The more parts there are to a toy the less you want it in your house.
8. Until about size 2T, kids go through clothes really fast. Don't spend a lot of money.
9. Keeping a written log of whatever you're struggling with will help you see the progress instead of just the frustration. (crying before falling asleep, # of ounces taken/feeding, times they get out of bed, potty training, forgotten items for school, etc.)
10. Be an advocate for your child - but that's easier to say than it is to be.
Whether it's at school or the church nursery, sometimes you just have to politely advocate for what your child needs. Our systems are set up to teach to the middle and if that's not your kid, you have to ask for more.
11. Naptime becomes room time and no kid ever out-grows that.
Because parents need a break too.
12. Kids are not "mini - me"s. I think I thought they would see the world just like me, react just like me, and like what I like. They don't. I'm glad.
13. Even a toddler can help unload the dish washer or the dryer, help sort laundry or put toys back in a box.
14. "Cutting the apron strings" is important in raising independent self-sufficient kids. This happens in small steps all along the way so that it's not an abrupt drop when they go to kindergarten. Or overnight camp. Or high school. Or worse, college.
15. It will eat you up when (and they all do at some point) your kids have a social problem at school.
16. Phases. A lot of it is just a phase. Be consistent (ignoring it, disciplining it, calling attention to it, undoing it, pretending you don't notice, whatever). Despite how it feels, it won't last forever.
17. It IS possible to raise kids that don't whine. Just don't tolerate it.
18. Baby equipment takes up a lot of room.
19. Diapers are expensive. Potty train early. Between 18 and 24 months. Even earlier if you can manage. (and yes, they can do it - despite what the AAP says.)
20. Never judge another parent with a tantruming kid at the store. You will be in their shoes someday.
21. Your kids will surprise you with what they can handle sometimes if you just give them a little freedom to show it off. (Seriously. Two Sunday mornings ago, Daniel, age 6, made his own scrambled eggs. I didn't exactly give him permission to do that - I found out after the fact, but I sure was impressed.)
22. Family traditions are important to kids. (and moms too)
23. Teach your kids manners and to be respectful. That alone gives them a huge advantage wherever they go.
24. Another family that's a few steps ahead of you can be an enormous resource. They are far enough ahead to have gotten through it, but not so far that they've forgotten how it felt.
25. Trust your instincts. Even as a first time mom (or dad), you are very often right.
26. Sometimes, the doctor is wrong.
27. Kids are hungry after school!!
28. You'll need lots of excuses for why the tooth fairy didn't come. (It's so easy to forget. yes, even consecutive nights. Our current record is 4.)
29. Decide what works for your family and then do your best not to worry about what everyone else is doing. It's hard not to feel pressured to keep up or compare, but each family is so different.
30. Kids go through a lot of shoes.
31. If you have hats, gloves, snow pants, and boots that properly fit each one of your kids in any given winter, there will be no significant snowfall that year.
32. When you know better, you do better. Sometimes we just have to adjust and not look back.
33. No one really knows how to discipline and raise kids. You make it up as you go.
34. Anticipate their moves - proactive is better than reactive. Be prepared for anything.
35. Sometimes lightening the mood is better than making a point.
36. Putting kids in close confines (like sharing a room) often leads to a closer relationship between them (though not always).
37. Kids do better when the expectations are clear. (and the consequences too.)
38. Kids can do just about any chore you really dislike. :)
39. Overstimulation is a major cause of babies not being able to sleep.
40. Finally, you can't parent perfectly and you can't parent all by yourself.
1. In 0-3 month pjs, zippered is highly preferable over snapped.
During those first three months before the baby is sleeping through the night, it is much easier to zip pjs in the dark than to correctly snap them, especially if you have to create both legs with snaps. Heck, that's truth night or day.
2. Babywise works.
I've done it four times, twice with a girl and twice with a boy. No child took longer than 11 weeks to sleep through the night. Feed Wake Sleep. And feed every 2.5 to 3 hours. It just works.
3. Swaddle. Double swaddle when necessary.
Babies like to be secure. Think about where they just came from. If you've give birth to a Houdini capable of busting out of the swaddle in less than five minutes, double swaddle.
4. Make your own baby food.
I cringe at all the money I spent on jar food. Use the jar food for back up and for when you don't have anything baby friendly at the house. But other than that, feed them what you're eating or make it for them. And never buy a jar of bananas.
5. Much of the 'equipment' they market to new parents is unnecessary. And takes up lots of space.
6. Sometimes babies cry and there's nothing wrong. They just need to cry.
7. The more parts there are to a toy the less you want it in your house.
8. Until about size 2T, kids go through clothes really fast. Don't spend a lot of money.
9. Keeping a written log of whatever you're struggling with will help you see the progress instead of just the frustration. (crying before falling asleep, # of ounces taken/feeding, times they get out of bed, potty training, forgotten items for school, etc.)
10. Be an advocate for your child - but that's easier to say than it is to be.
Whether it's at school or the church nursery, sometimes you just have to politely advocate for what your child needs. Our systems are set up to teach to the middle and if that's not your kid, you have to ask for more.
11. Naptime becomes room time and no kid ever out-grows that.
Because parents need a break too.
12. Kids are not "mini - me"s. I think I thought they would see the world just like me, react just like me, and like what I like. They don't. I'm glad.
13. Even a toddler can help unload the dish washer or the dryer, help sort laundry or put toys back in a box.
14. "Cutting the apron strings" is important in raising independent self-sufficient kids. This happens in small steps all along the way so that it's not an abrupt drop when they go to kindergarten. Or overnight camp. Or high school. Or worse, college.
15. It will eat you up when (and they all do at some point) your kids have a social problem at school.
16. Phases. A lot of it is just a phase. Be consistent (ignoring it, disciplining it, calling attention to it, undoing it, pretending you don't notice, whatever). Despite how it feels, it won't last forever.
17. It IS possible to raise kids that don't whine. Just don't tolerate it.
18. Baby equipment takes up a lot of room.
19. Diapers are expensive. Potty train early. Between 18 and 24 months. Even earlier if you can manage. (and yes, they can do it - despite what the AAP says.)
20. Never judge another parent with a tantruming kid at the store. You will be in their shoes someday.
21. Your kids will surprise you with what they can handle sometimes if you just give them a little freedom to show it off. (Seriously. Two Sunday mornings ago, Daniel, age 6, made his own scrambled eggs. I didn't exactly give him permission to do that - I found out after the fact, but I sure was impressed.)
22. Family traditions are important to kids. (and moms too)
23. Teach your kids manners and to be respectful. That alone gives them a huge advantage wherever they go.
24. Another family that's a few steps ahead of you can be an enormous resource. They are far enough ahead to have gotten through it, but not so far that they've forgotten how it felt.
25. Trust your instincts. Even as a first time mom (or dad), you are very often right.
26. Sometimes, the doctor is wrong.
27. Kids are hungry after school!!
28. You'll need lots of excuses for why the tooth fairy didn't come. (It's so easy to forget. yes, even consecutive nights. Our current record is 4.)
29. Decide what works for your family and then do your best not to worry about what everyone else is doing. It's hard not to feel pressured to keep up or compare, but each family is so different.
30. Kids go through a lot of shoes.
31. If you have hats, gloves, snow pants, and boots that properly fit each one of your kids in any given winter, there will be no significant snowfall that year.
32. When you know better, you do better. Sometimes we just have to adjust and not look back.
33. No one really knows how to discipline and raise kids. You make it up as you go.
34. Anticipate their moves - proactive is better than reactive. Be prepared for anything.
35. Sometimes lightening the mood is better than making a point.
36. Putting kids in close confines (like sharing a room) often leads to a closer relationship between them (though not always).
37. Kids do better when the expectations are clear. (and the consequences too.)
38. Kids can do just about any chore you really dislike. :)
39. Overstimulation is a major cause of babies not being able to sleep.
40. Finally, you can't parent perfectly and you can't parent all by yourself.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Why Can I Not Find Peace With The Hair?
I don't really like going to get my hair cut. I've been thinking about why that is and I've come to the conclusion that I'm irritated by the fact that I have to pay $40 for my hair to look like it's supposed to for ONE day every 8-10 weeks. I want more return for my money. I mean if it's going to look like a squirrel's nest all the time anyway, what's the point? Every time I go, I get my hopes up that THIS cut will be the one that works. The one I can manage and duplicate every day. And every time, by week 2 I've already landed in the pit of hair dispair.
Such is the curse of wavy-not-curly-not-straight hair.
Once my hair reaches a certain length, it becomes too heavy to wave. That's how I know it's time to make another appointment. A few chops here and there bought me a couple of extra weeks this time, but even Michael's 1/2 inch cut around the bottom wasn't enough to stave off the salon. And when I had no choice, I had no choice.
But logic seemed to say that if it's going to look bad anyway (and this is no reflection on the stylists by the way - it's not their fault) why pay so much? And so I found myself on a chair in the front reception area of a national cheap-cut chain. I had brought Brenna along for a trim as well. The first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. All the chairs were full and three stylists were working, but no one said a word. Only the country radio station playing broke the silence.
Since I had checked us in online, we had barely a minute's wait and the next available stylist called me back. She draped me and began squirting water on my hair before she even asked what I wanted done. As I talked she sprayed, not caring what she hit so that before long water ran down my cheek. She began cutting, never pinning anything up out of the way. She asked, "long layers or medium?" and other than, "look down" and "is that better?" when she was done, she really didn't say much of anything. She took the razor to the back of my neck at the end and I had to fight the urge to scrunch my shoulders up tight and protect my skin. Razor burn. I was glad to be finished.
Brenna hopped in the chair for her spray down and got a similar wordless treatment. "An inch off?" was all she said and then she combed hair over the face and down the front hard enough to hurt. Nose, ears, forehead were apparently all in the way. As she worked, the man next to me began to get impatient for his turn. He took the ladies to task for allowing Brenna and I to go ahead of him. Another stylist patiently explained that we had checked in online but he wasn't buying it. He told her he worked in customer service and first come should be first served. She apologized for his wait and assured him he was next, but he was still very agitated.
Shortly after, Brenna finished and I stepped up to pay. $24. Total. For BOTH of us. (Plus razor burn, comb marks, the silent treatment, and grumpy customers.) And the woman finally smiled as she explained that there are coupons on the back of the grocery store receipts for $7.50 cuts.
Brenna made me promise not to take her back to that national chain. I think she'd rather I trim her split ends, than have her face combed off by an angry stylist. I guess I understand. It was quite the experience we had. In fact, I've decided to go ahead and start making my next appointment. Eight weeks from now with a friend who works from her home and cut my hair for ten years before we moved to this house. I think I miss her. Even if my hair is going to look like unwound thread nine of the ten weeks between cuts, at least she makes the actually cutting experience enjoyable.
After our cuts, we walked next door to Kroger and I let Brenna pick out what to have for dinner. She chose kale, cottage cheese, and little smokies. I'm not kidding.
Such is the curse of wavy-not-curly-not-straight hair.
Once my hair reaches a certain length, it becomes too heavy to wave. That's how I know it's time to make another appointment. A few chops here and there bought me a couple of extra weeks this time, but even Michael's 1/2 inch cut around the bottom wasn't enough to stave off the salon. And when I had no choice, I had no choice.
But logic seemed to say that if it's going to look bad anyway (and this is no reflection on the stylists by the way - it's not their fault) why pay so much? And so I found myself on a chair in the front reception area of a national cheap-cut chain. I had brought Brenna along for a trim as well. The first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. All the chairs were full and three stylists were working, but no one said a word. Only the country radio station playing broke the silence.
Since I had checked us in online, we had barely a minute's wait and the next available stylist called me back. She draped me and began squirting water on my hair before she even asked what I wanted done. As I talked she sprayed, not caring what she hit so that before long water ran down my cheek. She began cutting, never pinning anything up out of the way. She asked, "long layers or medium?" and other than, "look down" and "is that better?" when she was done, she really didn't say much of anything. She took the razor to the back of my neck at the end and I had to fight the urge to scrunch my shoulders up tight and protect my skin. Razor burn. I was glad to be finished.
Brenna hopped in the chair for her spray down and got a similar wordless treatment. "An inch off?" was all she said and then she combed hair over the face and down the front hard enough to hurt. Nose, ears, forehead were apparently all in the way. As she worked, the man next to me began to get impatient for his turn. He took the ladies to task for allowing Brenna and I to go ahead of him. Another stylist patiently explained that we had checked in online but he wasn't buying it. He told her he worked in customer service and first come should be first served. She apologized for his wait and assured him he was next, but he was still very agitated.
Shortly after, Brenna finished and I stepped up to pay. $24. Total. For BOTH of us. (Plus razor burn, comb marks, the silent treatment, and grumpy customers.) And the woman finally smiled as she explained that there are coupons on the back of the grocery store receipts for $7.50 cuts.
Brenna made me promise not to take her back to that national chain. I think she'd rather I trim her split ends, than have her face combed off by an angry stylist. I guess I understand. It was quite the experience we had. In fact, I've decided to go ahead and start making my next appointment. Eight weeks from now with a friend who works from her home and cut my hair for ten years before we moved to this house. I think I miss her. Even if my hair is going to look like unwound thread nine of the ten weeks between cuts, at least she makes the actually cutting experience enjoyable.
After our cuts, we walked next door to Kroger and I let Brenna pick out what to have for dinner. She chose kale, cottage cheese, and little smokies. I'm not kidding.
Nine Hundred Eight Through Nine Hundred Nineteen
On the homestretch to 1000! But knowing His gifts will never stop, and smiling because of it.
908. babysitters my kids love
909. new friends
910. a new beginning with fresh hope
911. two beautiful days in the middle of January, where the windows can be opened and the house aired out
912. Benjamin sitting in the front of the Target cart for the first time
913. letting Brenna pick out all the parts of a dinner meal at Kroger
914. learning new tricks for wheat
915. that my cold isn't too severe and didn't bring a headache or sinus infection
916. new understandings of Scripture
917. quilting
918. snow days
908. babysitters my kids love
909. new friends
910. a new beginning with fresh hope
911. two beautiful days in the middle of January, where the windows can be opened and the house aired out
912. Benjamin sitting in the front of the Target cart for the first time
913. letting Brenna pick out all the parts of a dinner meal at Kroger
914. learning new tricks for wheat
915. that my cold isn't too severe and didn't bring a headache or sinus infection
916. new understandings of Scripture
917. quilting
918. snow days
Monday, January 14, 2013
Eight Hundred Ninety Five Through Nine Hundred Seven
It seems monumentous that I've crossed the nine hundred mark. On my way to one thousand and giving thanks.
895. The way Benjamin pulls the fabric of his pjs to his mouth as he gets ready to go to sleep
896. The Proper Pie Company
897. Teaching Carrie dot to dot
898. playing fun games at the table during dinner
899. when Daniel cracks himself up
900. sharing Bible study with Brenna
901. teaching Brenna about current events (whatever they're talking about on WRVA) on the way to dance class.
902. the rainbow seen all over the city this morning
903. my new boots
904. smoothies
905. being busy at work and actually feeling like I helped someone
906. finding out you're not alone in something
907. finishing a book
895. The way Benjamin pulls the fabric of his pjs to his mouth as he gets ready to go to sleep
896. The Proper Pie Company
897. Teaching Carrie dot to dot
898. playing fun games at the table during dinner
899. when Daniel cracks himself up
900. sharing Bible study with Brenna
901. teaching Brenna about current events (whatever they're talking about on WRVA) on the way to dance class.
902. the rainbow seen all over the city this morning
903. my new boots
904. smoothies
905. being busy at work and actually feeling like I helped someone
906. finding out you're not alone in something
907. finishing a book
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Merry Christmas to Me!
My box came today! I used my Christmas money to buy some new things for the kitchen!
A flaker (for flaking oatmeal) - that attaches to my Bosch mixer
And a dehydrator!
I can hardly wait to get started!! But first - I have to go to the dentist to get fitted for a crown....
Monday, January 07, 2013
Eight Hundred Seventy Nine Through Eight Hundred Ninety Four
Joining with others - 1000 gifts.
879. The way Ben likes to lay still and be held after he finishes his bottle.
880. That Carrie can catch and hold her dresser up like a weight lifter. (She's fine.)
881. peace
882. my cousin's little boy, Lucas
883. Reforming Marriage
884. scotchies that Michael and the kids made while I was at work
885. quiet nights at home
886. my parents keeping all four kiddos so Michael and I could go to dinner and a movie
887. halo sleep sacks
888. Les Mis
889. the grocery store after the kids go to bed
890. Fisher's caramel popcorn
891. Emma's boots
892. Brenna being Carrie's buddy on Sunday mornings, getting her ready for church
893. kids singing country music
894. new ideas
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Hmph!
Looks like 2013 decided to start with a few knock outs to the old ego...
_____________________
While we were watching a slideshow of family pictures -
Daniel: "Mom, your nose looks like you got stung by a bee!"
(Thanks for pointing out my ever-red nose, bud.)
_____________________
Yesterday morning I told Carrie to go take her pull up off and put on a pair of underwear. A few moments later she returned with a pair of my underwear in her hands.
"MOM! Look at these really big underwears!"
_____________________
This morning we were hanging out in my room so I could get a few things done.
Me: "Carrie - where're you going?"
Carrie: "Downstairs"
Me: "No, you can't go down there by yourself. You need to stay up here with me."
Carrie: "Uh..no. I don't want to be with you anymore." So matter of fact.
_____________________
While we were watching a slideshow of family pictures -
Daniel: "Mom, your nose looks like you got stung by a bee!"
(Thanks for pointing out my ever-red nose, bud.)
_____________________
Yesterday morning I told Carrie to go take her pull up off and put on a pair of underwear. A few moments later she returned with a pair of my underwear in her hands.
"MOM! Look at these really big underwears!"
_____________________
This morning we were hanging out in my room so I could get a few things done.
Me: "Carrie - where're you going?"
Carrie: "Downstairs"
Me: "No, you can't go down there by yourself. You need to stay up here with me."
Carrie: "Uh..no. I don't want to be with you anymore." So matter of fact.
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